Full, yet so empty.

Darkness settles over the room. 4:20 pm.

Its the day after Thanksgiving where I had a pretty marvelous day until I was called out to clean "the room" for one of PTT's kids to sleep in, by one of PTT's other kids. I felt resentful and bugged. I didn't want to clean that room. Wanted kid to sleep in one of the other sleeping spots (in the loft, or downstairs with brother, or some other setup that didn't involve that room). I resented older kid pushing the envelop with me regarding my space. I guess that's because I like complete access to that space and I want to clean it on my time table and I feel embarrassed at the same time because I don't like people to see me in this messy state.

So, I'm left with the understanding that the visitor will sleep with brother downstairs. I'm told there is a futon and instructed to get sheets. I give to the sister, she disappears down the stairs.  All is fine until 5 am this morning when dogs need to go out and I stumble half asleep into that room to get coat/boots etc and discover a sleeping body on a futon right in the middle of the room with no walking room anywhere.

Roar!  Boy am I mad at his son for deceiving me.I really hate to be lied to, deceived.

I've been eating for days and I think I'll stop now. I'm feeling utterly disconnected from my self.