Merging onto the highway of health.

OK... so, I'm making it official. I am in the deep throws of addiction relapse.
UHHHGG. I feel LARGE.
I am eating sugar. Lots of sugar. I'm compulsive. I'm sneaking.

I've also taken concrete steps toward health and well being. I've made a daily schedule. I did yoga and meditation so far today. I will walk on the treadmill for 20 minutes. I will continue to abstain from unhealthy food. When? Can I go 24 hours without sugar or alcohol? From this point forward? Until 12:41 tomorrow, Wednesday? Can I simply go 24 hours without eating sugar? Without poisoning myself?

I read in Geneen Roth's book last night a passage wherein she realized that she didn't have to have the same relationship she had with her mother... with herself. A light? An aha for me? Not sure. Have to dig in a big more. I didn't have a good relationship with my mother. It was fear based. It was manipulative... on my part, always trying to get her to say yes. It was distant. It was shy. It was afraid of being verbally dismissed, unbelieved. It was contentious. It was not supportive. It was not warm or helpful. It didn't care. It was annoyed.

How do I want to be in relationship with myself?

For real.

I want us to believe in one another. To have faith and courage. I want our relationship to be celebratory. Wise. Kind. Very kind. Smart.

I also had an AHA! about almond flour. Crushed almonds. Almond pancakes. And pecans. And walnuts.

I want to be thin and healthy! I want to stop hurting. No more hurting joints. I want to feel great inside and outside. I want to radiate love.