addictions feed on insecurity and fear

What nonsense, this fucking addiction. This co-dependence. This separation anxiety. This insecurity. This fear of loss. Of being left. Of not being loved. Of not being liked. Of not being good enough. Of not being young any more and for being out of shape. Can I change? Its my life long goal. I fear rejection. I feel being left.  I hate being ignored and I hate the way P is so utterly cold and dismissive. I hate living with the sense of not being good enough. I hate that I am always seeking approval. I hate, I hate, I hate.

Why am I so unhappy and insecure?

I know what I need to do. But when? When will I step up and begin? It never seems like the right time, as though my life is constantly in the reset mode.