Crossroads.

Ahhh, well, its been a trying couple of weeks. More raging, more ranting. Horrible arguments. Peter - cold and indifferent, sometimes hateful. I am the same. He tells me he wants me to get out of his house. I am afraid. I am sad. My stomach in knots. Painful. I've spoken w/ Roy. Need to make decision by next Monday. Today is Tuesday. I guess I know that Peter doesn't want to be with me and I feel kind of like a chump. I just hate the idea of another failed relationship. I hate the idea of moving again, of turning my life inside out.
Still, I need to decide. I must not be desperate. Objective. Try. I'm going to keep a log between now and then.
Last night, painful conversations. Raw. Pushed through. He kissed me before he went to bed. Stiffly, awkwardly, as though it was obligatory. This morning, he awakens first. I ask him to let me hold him. It feels tender, but childlike. I am the mother, he the child. Nothing back from him. He just lies against me. We talked pleasantly during am hours. I spoke with him about my work stress. Described my workload, a bit. He listened. I left for work at 8 am.
Tonight, I'm home at 8:15 pm. House is dark. No-one home, no notes.
8:30 pm- Peter calls. Tells me that he is at Forest's house with Ariel. They have had a nice evening. Forest made a lovely meal. He asks me about my day. I tell him. He asks if I will be up... I say till 10. He says he'd like to come home and looks forward to seeing me.
9:30 pm. But, what's the point of saying you look forward to seeing me, if you don't come home? Still not home.